Okay. I need to make a few clarifications to my post about c-sections. I would never imply in anyway that vaginal births are easier and no, I can't really comment on them because I have never had one. And I am sure that laboring for hours is no fun (and that's putting it mildly) but if I had the choice between laboring for hours and hours or for being cut open and then being in pain for weeks at this point in what I know in my ignorance of labor and delivery, I would choose vaginal. There was a point in my life where I would have chosen a c-section just because I was scared of giving birth "normally" because I had never done it before. I guess you could say I've moved past that.
Let's just say I've had some terrible, terrible experiences with c-sections. A scheduled c-section is by no means the same as an emergency one. Harry's really wasn't too bad. Painful, yes but it was bearable. Will's was absolute torture. I know that I sound like I am being dramatic here but...there was so many things working against me with Will that it made things extra difficult.
I guess I am just upset because I feel like people are judging me for having had 2 sections and no vaginal births. I feel like people view me as less of woman for having not have experienced real labor and delivery. No, I have never even gone into labor. I had some mild contractions with Will when they tried to induce me but I had only been dilated 1/2 centimeter after 6 hours. Ugh. Such a touchy subject for me. Every time I think about it I cry because it feels like the choice has been taken from me. It would be nice if I could at least say yes, I want a csection because I want it. But that isn't really the case. My Dr. basically told me that she wouldn't rule it out but the problem is that if I went into labor and she wasn't there, there are a lot of her associates who would refuse to let me give birth vaginally and would insist upon an emergency c section. Doesn't really give me too many options.
It all boils down to this. I'm scared of something happening like Will's that makes the c-section a million times worse. With the extra blood pressure medications that made me feel like I had the flu and a migraine headache, to not being able to walk for 48 hrs and feeling my organs shift so dramatically and being so stiff, to having to pee every 30 minutes because of the loss of water rentention...(and heading for the bathroom being excruiating) my experience was kind of a nightmare. To be honest, Will's lucky he has any siblings at all.
Time can ease all memories though and over time, I've pushed Will's birth to the back of my mind. But as I sit here thinking about delivering this baby, it comes back to me full swing and is what makes me sit here and cry a little. I feel like this is all very misunderstood and I don't know if anyone (except someone in my exact position) can really relate to how I am feeling.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
17 week Dr.'s appt
Had a Dr.'s appt yesterday for our 17 week checkup. Everything went good. It seems like I have finally gotten over the UTI that I have had since the beginning of this pregnancy. That was pretty annoying, let me tell you. Baby's heart rate was in the 150s and they were able to find it immediately, just like last time. Overall, this baby has been very cooperative so I am really hoping that on the 15th (he) will decide to be as cooperative. I want the confirmation of the third boy, lol. Also, blood pressure doing really good. 100/62. :) When I was pregnant with Harry, it was consistently around 130/80 which is actually getting kind of hypertensive. I would like to thank my newly fit body and newly adopted eating habits for my lowered blood pressure. I do think that has really helped.
Anyway, just thought I'd give a little up date.
Anyway, just thought I'd give a little up date.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Snow, Cold, and musings
Just some quick updates before I get the boys up from their naps.
Harry's been under the weather lately. He started with a temp on Thursday and obviously wasn't acting like himself. Today he is feeling much better but still has a slight temp so he's apparently still fighting something. I am just dreading Will getting sick because he is one of the neediest kid's when he is sick (not that I blame him but it can get to be a little much.)
I have my 17 week Dr.'s appt on Wednesday. I will post more about that aftewards. So far everything has been going pretty good. Blood pressure has been really low so hoping to keep it that way. Baby's heart beat was 157 at 13 weeks and of course we had an ultrasound then too for the first trimester screening. All of our tests came back completely normal. I am just so amazed at how advanced ultrasound equipment is now. Even from when I was pregnant with Will they have really changed. I could see his (using that because assume baby's another little man and I will be using him to refer to the baby until I have been proven otherwise) little face, his nose, chin, arms, legs, feet. when we went in with Harry at 17 weeks the ultrasound equipment was very old school, the kind where you had to have your bladder full. HATE those kind of ultrasounds. It just makes it really, really uncomfortable and no fun. Anyway, it was hard to tell anything with that ultrasound and the tech didn't even try to look for his sex. I guess I don't blame him, I could barely tell where his head began and his feet ended. My Dr. for this pregnancy is not the one who delivered Will (technically two Dr.s delivered Will, my regular doc and the specialist who actually did the C-section.) He wasn't covered by my insurance and I decided to actually go with a different hospital. Sanford is fine but I've heard some great things about Avera so I looked into Dr.s and found Dr. Jodi Scott. So far like her a lot, even though she basically told me that she wouldn't have a vaginal birth after having two c-sections if it was her when I brought up me possibly having a vbac. I have kind of let that dream die I guess, after all the scary things she said to me about vbacs after 2 c-sections. I had really hoped I could do this the "normal" way this time but I am not willing to put my life or the baby's life in danger just because I want to have an experience that I feel as been denied to me. I, of course, cried when she said she didn't recommend me having a vbac because I have to admit, even after all this time, I am still terrified of c-sections. Yes, having the baby is the easy part. You have a spinal (which are terrible by the way), they lay you on a table, drap a cloth over you so you can't see that they are taking out some of your insides to scoop out the baby, and then staple you back to together when it's all done. No, that parts okay. It's afterwards when you realize that your insides feel like they want to burst right out of you midsection that you just kind of want to lay down and die. And of course, the first time they make you walk is like the walk from hell. And it takes weeks for you to finally feel better. Gah. I wanted to avoid all of that. But...life is what it is. I can't go back in time and change Will's birth. Even if I hadn't had pre-eclampsia Will had his cord wrapped twice around his neck so I would have had to have a c-section no matter what.
Just on a quick note, it has finally snowed here. I hate it. It's cold and miserable. Yesterday it was like -20 with windchill. I was kind of hoping winter had skipped us by but to no avail.
Harry's been under the weather lately. He started with a temp on Thursday and obviously wasn't acting like himself. Today he is feeling much better but still has a slight temp so he's apparently still fighting something. I am just dreading Will getting sick because he is one of the neediest kid's when he is sick (not that I blame him but it can get to be a little much.)
I have my 17 week Dr.'s appt on Wednesday. I will post more about that aftewards. So far everything has been going pretty good. Blood pressure has been really low so hoping to keep it that way. Baby's heart beat was 157 at 13 weeks and of course we had an ultrasound then too for the first trimester screening. All of our tests came back completely normal. I am just so amazed at how advanced ultrasound equipment is now. Even from when I was pregnant with Will they have really changed. I could see his (using that because assume baby's another little man and I will be using him to refer to the baby until I have been proven otherwise) little face, his nose, chin, arms, legs, feet. when we went in with Harry at 17 weeks the ultrasound equipment was very old school, the kind where you had to have your bladder full. HATE those kind of ultrasounds. It just makes it really, really uncomfortable and no fun. Anyway, it was hard to tell anything with that ultrasound and the tech didn't even try to look for his sex. I guess I don't blame him, I could barely tell where his head began and his feet ended. My Dr. for this pregnancy is not the one who delivered Will (technically two Dr.s delivered Will, my regular doc and the specialist who actually did the C-section.) He wasn't covered by my insurance and I decided to actually go with a different hospital. Sanford is fine but I've heard some great things about Avera so I looked into Dr.s and found Dr. Jodi Scott. So far like her a lot, even though she basically told me that she wouldn't have a vaginal birth after having two c-sections if it was her when I brought up me possibly having a vbac. I have kind of let that dream die I guess, after all the scary things she said to me about vbacs after 2 c-sections. I had really hoped I could do this the "normal" way this time but I am not willing to put my life or the baby's life in danger just because I want to have an experience that I feel as been denied to me. I, of course, cried when she said she didn't recommend me having a vbac because I have to admit, even after all this time, I am still terrified of c-sections. Yes, having the baby is the easy part. You have a spinal (which are terrible by the way), they lay you on a table, drap a cloth over you so you can't see that they are taking out some of your insides to scoop out the baby, and then staple you back to together when it's all done. No, that parts okay. It's afterwards when you realize that your insides feel like they want to burst right out of you midsection that you just kind of want to lay down and die. And of course, the first time they make you walk is like the walk from hell. And it takes weeks for you to finally feel better. Gah. I wanted to avoid all of that. But...life is what it is. I can't go back in time and change Will's birth. Even if I hadn't had pre-eclampsia Will had his cord wrapped twice around his neck so I would have had to have a c-section no matter what.
Just on a quick note, it has finally snowed here. I hate it. It's cold and miserable. Yesterday it was like -20 with windchill. I was kind of hoping winter had skipped us by but to no avail.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
An eye opener
There are times when a person reads a story and it changes the way they view their lives. It changes them...forever. Well, I have to say that that has happened to me today. I happened across a story about a little boy from Louisiana called Tripp Roth. Little Tripp had a condition called Epidermolysis Bullosa and it wasn't until I was crying my eyes out over this story that I realized that this brave little man shares a birthday with my little man, Harrison. They were both born on May 14th, 2009 and both of our little men looked like healthy, normal babies. The only difference between them was that Tripp had a few blisters, which caused the doctors to diagnose him with the above mentioned disease. It made me sit there and think, what if that had been my child? And I cannot imagine having to endure what this mother has endured along with little Tripp. Little Tripp passed away on Saturday, the 14th and my heart goes out to his mother. I tell you that this story changed my view of my life in many ways. I am so grateful for my two healthy little men. They may be challenging and really try my patience at times but I need to just be grateful that they are able to do the normal things that 2 1/2 and 4 year olds do. Another way that this story changed me is that I can tell you with all certainty that I DO NOT CARE what sex this baby is. I do not care if it is a boy or girl. I only care that he/she is healthy and happy. I really encourage you to check out this blog but I warn you, I cried a lot when I read it so maybe have some tissues handy. the blog is randycourtneytripproth.blogspot.com.
I also wanted to share with you the date of my next ultrasound. It is scheduled for 2/15 at 10:45 am and we will be finding out the sex of the baby. It isn't so much that I care about what the baby is but I want to know so I can start finding clothes, etc. :)
Anways, I just wanted to share that life changing story with you because it touched my heart.
I also wanted to share with you the date of my next ultrasound. It is scheduled for 2/15 at 10:45 am and we will be finding out the sex of the baby. It isn't so much that I care about what the baby is but I want to know so I can start finding clothes, etc. :)
Anways, I just wanted to share that life changing story with you because it touched my heart.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Updates for 2012!
Wow. I realize that I haven't posted on here since summer 2010. Let's just say that life has been a little hectic. Josh being in nursing school and school for myself has kept us quite busy. I can't believe William is 4 years old and Harrison is now 2 and a half. And of course, we have our third baby on the way. I thought I'd start updating this blog once again to let everyone in on the pregnancy and the boys.
William just had his four year check up today and got his kindergarten shots. Wow, was that fun. he had to have five shots. 3 in one leg and 2 in another. He was pretty good for the first 3 by just exclaiming, "Ow, that hurts," but by the 4th one he was in tears and crying, "that really, really hurts!" Harrison was in the room and was horrified at his brother's cries of protest. He was scheduled for a flu shot and was actually waiting for his turn expectantly but then he decided that he didn't want the shot afterall. Harrison had taken off his pants as Will had but he then proceeded to tell me that he wanted his pants back on.
So, by the time it was Harry's turn, he freaked out. It was a very small shot and only one but he acted like had just been poked 15 times. Oh dear. He cried, quite loudly may I add, for quite a long time.
Will weighed 38 pounds and was 42.5 inches tall. Harry stepped onto the scale and he weighed 29.8 pounds.
The nurse said that he was pretty much perfect which of course, made me smile. He was able to draw all the shapes asked of him and was able to answer all of her questions satisfactorily.
Will has informed me that he now does NOT like shots. And Harry said that he doesn't want to go to the doctor anymore. Oh the joys of the boys getting older. lol
William just had his four year check up today and got his kindergarten shots. Wow, was that fun. he had to have five shots. 3 in one leg and 2 in another. He was pretty good for the first 3 by just exclaiming, "Ow, that hurts," but by the 4th one he was in tears and crying, "that really, really hurts!" Harrison was in the room and was horrified at his brother's cries of protest. He was scheduled for a flu shot and was actually waiting for his turn expectantly but then he decided that he didn't want the shot afterall. Harrison had taken off his pants as Will had but he then proceeded to tell me that he wanted his pants back on.
So, by the time it was Harry's turn, he freaked out. It was a very small shot and only one but he acted like had just been poked 15 times. Oh dear. He cried, quite loudly may I add, for quite a long time.
Will weighed 38 pounds and was 42.5 inches tall. Harry stepped onto the scale and he weighed 29.8 pounds.
The nurse said that he was pretty much perfect which of course, made me smile. He was able to draw all the shapes asked of him and was able to answer all of her questions satisfactorily.
Will has informed me that he now does NOT like shots. And Harry said that he doesn't want to go to the doctor anymore. Oh the joys of the boys getting older. lol
Friday, July 9, 2010
Reflections
When I first found out I was pregnant with Harrison, people informed me how different it was to have two children. I found myself just nodding and smiling politelywhile thinking the entire time, "what do you think I'm an idiot? I think I can handle one more baby." I mean, really, how different can having two children be than having just one?
Well, it turns out...a lot.
And let me tell you, it is quite the experience when your first child is still toddling around himself, sucking on a sippy cup, babbling away in his foregin language. It's hard to decipher between day and night for awhile in the newborn stage (which isn't much different than with your first baby) but there is a whole other person to think about than just this pink, wrinkly little bundle who constantly wants to eat, poop, sleep and cry. The focus of life suddenly revolves around diapers, bottles, dry cereal, sippy cups, bedtime stories, and telling your older child that "No, he shouldn't poke his baby brother in the eye!" How is it even possible for a person to juggle between a newborns constant demands and the needs of a one and a half year old? Well, let me tell you, very carefully.
As the days go by, it becomes easier and some of the chaoticness eases but there is always something present in which to shake life up a bit.
When Harrison turned 4 months, I dealt with him getting to sleep on his own and comforting himself. It was hard when he started turning over in his sleep and then deciding he couldn't sleep that way and demanding to be turned. At the same time, I was trying to get him onto a nap routine, listening to him cry insistently through an hour of his nap time. There were days where I ended up in tears, wondering how much longer I could persevere through the crying and the whining of my children. How much longer could I be at home, cleaning, changing diapers, nursing my baby and being cut off from the outside world completely? For awhile it seemed like it would never end and I would never be able to get through it.
But I did.
And now the early days seem just like a bad blur, a very faint bad dream.
Now, am I saying that I didn't love both my children when Harrison was first born? Absolutely not. But I am saying that it was damn hard and I am glad to be over with that phase.
Now that my two boys are 14 months and just about 3, our world has seemed to turn into a completely different place. I am enjoying their newfound independence and I have discovered that Harrison has a vitality, a love for life that is very had to resist. His smile brightens up my day and his laughter makes me laugh right with him. And Will has blossomed into such a loving and caring older brother (of course, he does his fair share of teasing Harrison-but what older brother could withstand such temptation?) and I am so very glad that they are so close in age so that they can share in each others company.
Harrison started toddling around at about 11 months, tentatively taking his first steps between one piece of furniture to the next. And at the end of 12 months, he was walking about 60 per. of the time and crawling the rest. At 5 days shy of 14 months, he is making his first attempts as running as he tries to keep up with his older brother.
So, in short, if I could do it all over again, knowing how rough it can be to have two children so very close in age, would I? YES. I would never change a thing about my life. It isn't perfect, not by any stretch of the imagination, but it is my life and it is full of love, laughter, and 3 of the best guys are girl could ever ask for. :D
Well, it turns out...a lot.
And let me tell you, it is quite the experience when your first child is still toddling around himself, sucking on a sippy cup, babbling away in his foregin language. It's hard to decipher between day and night for awhile in the newborn stage (which isn't much different than with your first baby) but there is a whole other person to think about than just this pink, wrinkly little bundle who constantly wants to eat, poop, sleep and cry. The focus of life suddenly revolves around diapers, bottles, dry cereal, sippy cups, bedtime stories, and telling your older child that "No, he shouldn't poke his baby brother in the eye!" How is it even possible for a person to juggle between a newborns constant demands and the needs of a one and a half year old? Well, let me tell you, very carefully.
As the days go by, it becomes easier and some of the chaoticness eases but there is always something present in which to shake life up a bit.
When Harrison turned 4 months, I dealt with him getting to sleep on his own and comforting himself. It was hard when he started turning over in his sleep and then deciding he couldn't sleep that way and demanding to be turned. At the same time, I was trying to get him onto a nap routine, listening to him cry insistently through an hour of his nap time. There were days where I ended up in tears, wondering how much longer I could persevere through the crying and the whining of my children. How much longer could I be at home, cleaning, changing diapers, nursing my baby and being cut off from the outside world completely? For awhile it seemed like it would never end and I would never be able to get through it.
But I did.
And now the early days seem just like a bad blur, a very faint bad dream.
Now, am I saying that I didn't love both my children when Harrison was first born? Absolutely not. But I am saying that it was damn hard and I am glad to be over with that phase.
Now that my two boys are 14 months and just about 3, our world has seemed to turn into a completely different place. I am enjoying their newfound independence and I have discovered that Harrison has a vitality, a love for life that is very had to resist. His smile brightens up my day and his laughter makes me laugh right with him. And Will has blossomed into such a loving and caring older brother (of course, he does his fair share of teasing Harrison-but what older brother could withstand such temptation?) and I am so very glad that they are so close in age so that they can share in each others company.
Harrison started toddling around at about 11 months, tentatively taking his first steps between one piece of furniture to the next. And at the end of 12 months, he was walking about 60 per. of the time and crawling the rest. At 5 days shy of 14 months, he is making his first attempts as running as he tries to keep up with his older brother.
So, in short, if I could do it all over again, knowing how rough it can be to have two children so very close in age, would I? YES. I would never change a thing about my life. It isn't perfect, not by any stretch of the imagination, but it is my life and it is full of love, laughter, and 3 of the best guys are girl could ever ask for. :D
Monday, April 19, 2010
April 2010
It's April and we have been enjoying some people, albeit windy, weather. I completely forgot what warm weather felt like and when it hit 77 degrees one day I thought I was going to melt. Josh and I looked at each other and said, "How did we ever survive those Fresno summers?" It is strange how a person's body becomes accustomed to one thing, whether it be warm or cold. But it has cooled down just a little to a perfect even 70 degrees and it is quite enjoyable to have the windows open and feel a slightly cool breeze wafting through the house.
I am excited to say that I am enrolled for a summer class starting May. Finally returning to school! I am enrolled at Dakota State University in their Health Information Technology program. It is basically dealing with coding for health insurances, you deal with doctors and patients medical records to make sure everything is correct. The wonderful thing about this program is that it is offered online! I am registered for 12 credits starting in Fall so I am pretty pumped about it. Hoping to complete an Associates, get a job with it and then work my way towards a bachelor's. The bachelors is also offered online, so that is nice. Josh is still hoping for Nursing, didn't get accepted for this upcoming semester but he has talked to a lot of pre-nursing students and no one he has heard of has been accepted their first time applying. They like to students to have at least all of the science pre reqs out of the way. It is a very competitive program and their were about 190 students applying for 50 slots for Fall, so hopefully he can get in. He has been trying to get in at the hospital to work, which would help his chances, but so far he hasn't had any luck. The ecomony is still kind of in a rut, so that hasn't been helping. Hopefully things will start to turn around in a year or two.
I enjoyed my mom's visit but she seemed to leave way too soon. Looking forward to her coming back in July when she can stay longer.
One month and Harrison will be ONE. I can't believe it has already almost been one year since he was born. So much has changed since then. Will is 2 and a half and he is definitely exhibiting some signs of the terrible twos, but he is usually pretty good. Harrison has taken some unassisted steps and has started mimicking sounds. Will has been talking in sentences and is becoming quite easy to understand. I can't believe how fast they seem to grow, each and every day.
I am excited to say that I am enrolled for a summer class starting May. Finally returning to school! I am enrolled at Dakota State University in their Health Information Technology program. It is basically dealing with coding for health insurances, you deal with doctors and patients medical records to make sure everything is correct. The wonderful thing about this program is that it is offered online! I am registered for 12 credits starting in Fall so I am pretty pumped about it. Hoping to complete an Associates, get a job with it and then work my way towards a bachelor's. The bachelors is also offered online, so that is nice. Josh is still hoping for Nursing, didn't get accepted for this upcoming semester but he has talked to a lot of pre-nursing students and no one he has heard of has been accepted their first time applying. They like to students to have at least all of the science pre reqs out of the way. It is a very competitive program and their were about 190 students applying for 50 slots for Fall, so hopefully he can get in. He has been trying to get in at the hospital to work, which would help his chances, but so far he hasn't had any luck. The ecomony is still kind of in a rut, so that hasn't been helping. Hopefully things will start to turn around in a year or two.
I enjoyed my mom's visit but she seemed to leave way too soon. Looking forward to her coming back in July when she can stay longer.
One month and Harrison will be ONE. I can't believe it has already almost been one year since he was born. So much has changed since then. Will is 2 and a half and he is definitely exhibiting some signs of the terrible twos, but he is usually pretty good. Harrison has taken some unassisted steps and has started mimicking sounds. Will has been talking in sentences and is becoming quite easy to understand. I can't believe how fast they seem to grow, each and every day.
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