Clarification

Okay. I need to make a few clarifications to my post about c-sections. I would never imply in anyway that vaginal births are easier and no, I can't really comment on them because I have never had one. And I am sure that laboring for hours is no fun (and that's putting it mildly) but if I had the choice between laboring for hours and hours or for being cut open and then being in pain for weeks at this point in what I know in my ignorance of labor and delivery, I would choose vaginal. There was a point in my life where I would have chosen a c-section just because I was scared of giving birth "normally" because I had never done it before. I guess you could say I've moved past that.

Let's just say I've had some terrible, terrible experiences with c-sections. A scheduled c-section is by no means the same as an emergency one. Harry's really wasn't too bad. Painful, yes but it was bearable. Will's was absolute torture. I know that I sound like I am being dramatic here but...there was so many things working against me with Will that it made things extra difficult.

I guess I am just upset because I feel like people are judging me for having had 2 sections and no vaginal births. I feel like people view me as less of woman for having not have experienced real labor and delivery. No, I have never even gone into labor. I had some mild contractions with Will when they tried to induce me but I had only been dilated 1/2 centimeter after 6 hours. Ugh. Such a touchy subject for me. Every time I think about it I cry because it feels like the choice has been taken from me. It would be nice if I could at least say yes, I want a csection because I want it. But that isn't really the case. My Dr. basically told me that she wouldn't rule it out but the problem is that if I went into labor and she wasn't there, there are a lot of her associates who would refuse to let me give birth vaginally and would insist upon an emergency c section. Doesn't really give me too many options.

It all boils down to this. I'm scared of something happening like Will's that makes the c-section a million times worse. With the extra blood pressure medications that made me feel like I had the flu and a migraine headache, to not being able to walk for 48 hrs and feeling my organs shift so dramatically and being so stiff, to having to pee every 30 minutes because of the loss of water rentention...(and heading for the bathroom being excruiating) my experience was kind of a nightmare. To be honest, Will's lucky he has any siblings at all.

Time can ease all memories though and over time, I've pushed Will's birth to the back of my mind. But as I sit here thinking about delivering this baby, it comes back to me full swing and is what makes me sit here and cry a little. I feel like this is all very misunderstood and I don't know if anyone (except someone in my exact position) can really relate to how I am feeling.